I need help editing this essay, based on the lectures/tutors feedback below. If you need to adjust other things to make it sound correct...please amend it.
A couple of points to edit:
- Make a clear thesis statement and organise your response to defend that thesis. While this is not essential to pass the assessment it will push your grade closer to the HD mark range (As per the rubric - Excellent engagement evident: • Complex examination of all elements of prescribed task • Demonstrates good understanding of the relationships between these elements. • Contemporary and relevant examples used throughout to illustrate depth of understanding)
- Be sure to support your analysis with evidence (references), including your examples. For instance you make the claim ‘This form of discrimination is very common among Muslims, where women are treated as inferior humans compared to men due to the idea of men being the heads while women act as their helpers’ without reference. You must make sure that all evidence presented is based on research – so either insert an example to demonstrate this claim or a reference to an academic source. We must always be critical of taken-for-granted knowledge (what we assume to be true) because it is likely to be a social construction rather than an objective truth.
- Be sure to give it one more careful proof read so as to fine tune expression.